Playing mechanism of jealousy
We tend to think of jealousy in entirely negative terms. We usually see it as an expression of a lack of self-confidence, of character weakness, or as something that causes considerable emotional pain. Jealousy breeds suspicion and ruins personal lives in Shakespearean tragedy. Jealousy is poison.
All of this is true. All of this is false.
Jealousy is more than this. It’s not entirely negative. The snake is the medical profession’s symbol of choice, associated with Asclepius, the Greek god of healing. Most poisons have substantial healing potential. Medical properties are dosage-dependent.
Jealousy can be a great sexual energizer. It can be better than Pfizer's little blue pill. It’s a doorway to true love, to desire that is entirely focused on a single person.
Sigmund Freud theorized that for a man to truly desire a woman, there often has to be at least some doubt as to her chastity or the presence of a rival. To not feel entirely sure of possessing a woman is what keeps desire alive. Young men typically don’t appreciate jealousy. Young men are also often a bore. They don’t know themselves, and most of them are lousy lovers. They are seldom emotionally balanced and seldom able to walk the tightrope of jealousy.
In my younger years, I often wondered why married couples would join swinger clubs, and especially why husbands would agree to a threesome involving another, younger man with their wives.
As a matter of fact, these are practical, wise men. They keep their marriages fresh and their sex lives active. And they are in full control.
While changing partners is usually the best recipe for keeping one’s sexual appetite up, the option of a new woman every week is not available to most men. It is therefore a wise approach to try to get the most out of the partner who is available. If you can’t go wide, go deep.
I know the difference between love and sex. But I am not a romantic. Love is simply being psychologically highly focused on a particular person. There are certain external factors that determine the degree of love.
The fewer other options we have, the more we will likely be focused on the person with whom we have a love relationship. The less we possess her, the more likely we are to want her. Love can be engineered, just as jealousy can.
While I personally may have a preference for going wide, I have, in some instances, gone deep. I can do so, and have great sex over months on end, if I can cook up the right mix of jealousy.
I am not advocating swinger club memberships for every couple. That’s something for hardened connoisseurs. But I do promote the positive aspects of jealousy, strange as this may sound.
How do you engineer jealousy? If you are in a love relationship, talk, talk, talk. Both of you. Talk about past relationships, and talk about hidden desires. It’s a great therapy to make your relationship deeper. It’s also a sure route to jealousy.
Because unless both partners are incorrigible liars, details will emerge that will, silently, hurt.