Two kinds of sexual love
I want to understand what sexual love is. I want to know so I can control it. I want to control how and when I love a woman, and I want to know what I have to do so that a woman I am interested in will indeed love me.
I would like my knowledge of love to be scientific, but love evades clear-cut cause-and-effect explanations.
There are two kinds of sexual love, and they are generated differently.
One kind of sexual love addresses emotional needs more than sexual needs, even though a sexual relationship is part of the love arrangement. This love is closeness and comfort. It deals with the logistics of life, especially if they are difficult, and involves helping each other, being there for each other, and so on. This kind of love is comparatively easy to engineer by being a "nice guy." Unfortunately, if the logistics of life are well-settled in such a relationship, a partner might still engage in secret sexual affairs (at least if social rules permit it). A man, too, might seek other sexual opportunities.
The second kind of sexual love is a burning desire for the other person. This kind of love will likely be exclusive for the loving partner. The loving partner will likely also experience great sex. If you engineer this kind of love in your partner and in yourself, you will have a touching experience and a great time.
The key to engineering burning-desire love is just the right amount of a sense of defeat. This applies to the partner in whom we want to foster burning-desire love, and it applies to ourselves if we want to make ourselves love another person more.
A sense of defeat is an extremely powerful psychological tool. We are all genetically primed to avoid defeat. Emotionally, the most profound sense of defeat is related to sexual partnerships. The psychological mechanism to avoid defeat, especially sexual defeat, is the immune system of the mind. Once we manipulate love through mechanisms of defeat, especially jealousy, we put this psychological system into overdrive.
There are several techniques to achieve the desired results. Some are crude, such as indeed engaging in parallel relationships. Such techniques are crude because someone is actually behaving unethically.
More sophisticated techniques are entirely verbal and, actually, do not implicate anyone. We talk and we listen. We talk if we want another person to love us, and we listen if we want to surrender ourselves to a higher degree of love.
We talk, or listen, about past romantic experiences or hypothetical scenarios without actually engaging in anything. But be careful. The right dose acts as medicine. An overdose is poison, and an underdose does not yield the desired result.
In a sexual or romantic relationship, we all like to be the optimal partner. The sense of defeat arises if we ourselves or our partner are confronted with the idea that a previous person was better in any way.
But this sense of defeat must not be overdone. If it is overdone, the reaction may just be total withdrawal instead of total submission to love.
The other danger is that the technique is discovered as a lie. To find the right dose and say the right lines takes some experience and a fair amount of emotional understanding of ourselves and the other person.