Female private strategies
Girls and women have economic needs, social needs, emotional needs, and sexual needs. They consider all four factors from a young age.
Girls and women have economic needs, and because female sexuality has a high exchange value, it is natural for girls and women to reap economic benefits from sexual relationships.
Girls and women have social needs. Because girls and women are more vulnerable then boys and men, the social need for protection is all the more pronounced the more violent a society.
Girls and women have emotional needs. They want to be assured of their qualities, including beauty and sexual desirability. This need exists strongly in female teenagers, which is why they are so romantic, and strongly, too, in women as they outgrow their prime, which is why they are easy targets for marriage impostors.
And then, girls and women have sexual needs. They may not be as predominant as they are in men. Girls and women can derive a lot of contentment from having emotional needs fulfilled, but sexual needs are always present in the background. Girls and women may pretend the absence of sexual needs because they do not want to endanger the fulfillment of economic, social, and emotional needs.
In societies in which the reputation of a girl or woman suffers greatly if her chastity is questionable, females will be very careful before they engage in anything sexual. Even towards a husband they may keep their sexual excitability secret.
But if the conditions are suitable, girls and women can derive a lot of sense-giving pleasure from optimal sex.
For girls and women in traditional societies, on the other hand, sexual satisfaction may be luxury that few can afford. For sexual strategies of females in traditional societies, local men are opponents rather than allies. Local men in traditional societies are often repressive and illiterate on the sexual needs of girls and women.
Because Western societies allow girls and women a much higher degree of sexual freedom than do traditional societies, females in traditional societies often have a natural affinity towards Western males.
Western feminists are not allies in the sexual interests of women in poor counties. Western feminists usually block sexual relationships between local women and Western men, even if these relationships would be highly beneficial to local girls and women.
Just like in any warfare, strategies in the sexual and relationships arena are about trickery that aids in, and leads to, victory.
Women have needs. Sexual needs. Needs for protection in a violent society. Economic needs in a civilized society.
Just wanting needs fulfilled, and some diffuse ideas on how to proceed, has a low success rate. There are so many women in the world who have been profoundly disappointed, and many of those who have fared better, sooner or later become aware of the emotional deficits in their lives.
To optimize the fulfillment of needs requires some planning, for women just as it does for men. But women, more than men, are trapped in a double bind, as sexual excitement and economic stability, or sexual excitement and respectability, appear to be contradictory goals.
But the one qualification that certainly helps with pretty much every difficult situation or double bind, is to be independently wealthy.
Being independently rich enough even allows a women to get out of a repressive society, and buy a citizenship in a liberal country.
For smart young women, and even their immediate relatives, it is much easier to become wealthy, even independently wealthy, than it is, for example, for their brothers. Because young women have a lot of intrinsic capital. This capital is named: sexual market value
It can be traded for a citizenship in a country that represses women less than other countries, and it can be converted into financial capital.
But this window of opportunity is wide open only for women of an age of about 18, to an age of about 25, and only if they haven’t given birth.
The window is still there, later on in life, but it isn’t wide open.
Just follow one piece of advice: don’t waste your capital on young men who have no economic foundation, even if they are good-looking. Don’t waste your capital on listening to promises about love forever.
Sure, young men are sexual fun. But if your economic basis is good, there will be good-looking young men not only while you are a beautiful young woman but throughout your life. If your economic base isn’t good to start with, you can ditch the man who builds an economic base for you after just a short while, or you can just ignore him and have affairs. You can be divorced rich at a comparatively young age, and you will suffer little from the condition identified as a depletion of self-esteem that afflicts so many women when their sexual market value steeply declines as they get older.
It’s the best you can do.
Solidarity is for losers
A young attractive female, if she handles it right, has the chance to accumulate enough wealth to last a lifetime, and to possess an advantageous nationality as well. She just doesn’t have to believe the love-forever nonsense of poor men. Instead, she ought to aim for sufficiently wealthy men, even if those are married. No sympathy with current wives. Solidarity is for losers.
Once a woman has accumulated enough wealth, she can enjoy the love of attractive young men. Just never surrender your wealth to marriage impostors. Not even to husbands.
People all around the world are more practical-minded than moral authorities want to accept, and this specifically includes young women. They do not need a science of sexual economics to understand sexual economics.
Often, young women comply with stringent social standards much less because they would be convinced that they are appropriate, but rather because there is no practical solution to circumvent them.
Living out their sexuality is a dangerous undertaking for young women in many countries of the world. They could be stoned in Saudi Arabia and Bangladesh, murdered by relatives in Turkey or Albania, and expelled from their homes and families even in such sexualized societies as Italy and Brazil.
Open sexual conduct of their daughters can bring shame to loved-ones, and cause a girl’s dear mother to suffer a heart attack.
All of these are circumstances that are hardly conducive to uninhibited sexual adventuring. So, women conform to society’s rules.
But if the right infrastructure is provided to circumvent society’s rules, young women will be much more inclined to pursue sexual relationships.
The right infrastructure primarily means a sufficient degree of secrecy. This requires a discreet mode of transport, such as a closed van, and a secluded venue, such as a house that can be entered without any neighbor being able to spot who is going in and who is going out. It also requires discreet means of communication.
It also helps to have a track record for being trustworthy. In rather repressive countries, such as those in the Arab world, it is of great advantage not to be a local. Practical-minded local women in such countries are weary of local men, as they may be religious fanatics.
Most people would be surprised to learn to what extend young women are willing to try sexual relationships for the fun of it if only no negative consequences are to be feared.
The above favorable conditions could be defined as the right sexual infrastructure. While factors such as good looks, charm, and being intelligent and educated, are all important, it is also true that all of these will get a man nowhere if you can’t put into place a favorable infrastructure.
What is your virginity?
As a young woman, you should be aware about why you are lied to about your virginity by the people you trust the most, your parents and relatives. They tell you that in case you lose your virginity, you will never find a husband. That your virginity is your most precious possession. That in case you lose your virginity, your bridegroom will surly notice in your first night together with you, and that he will return you next morning, and that shame will come over your family.
All of this is nonsense. It is told to you for the same reason parents tell their unruly 6-year olds that if they don’t stop crying, the police will put them in jail. They tell it to you so that they can control your behavior. They think the more the frighten you, the less risk that you will get pregnant before marriage.
Fact is: the police do not put 6-year-old children into jail because they cry.
Fact is also: in case your virginity is lost, your bridegroom will never notice unless you tell him.
What is this virginity? If you think you are still a virgin, and if you are not afraid to do so, take a mirror and have a look.
Your vagina looks closed, but of course it is not. This is obvious because your menstrual blood flows out of the vagina. In Europe, many virgins even use tampons (though they are special small ones, for virgins). Tampons are finger-thick cotton plugs, 3 to 5 centimeter long, which are inserted into the vagina during menstruation, in order to absorb the blood. Virgins who use virgin tampons do not lose their virginity from this.
This is the case because the vagina is very elastic, even in virgins, and of course, the hymen (the skin associated with virginity) does not cover the vaginal opening.
This hymen is just a ring of skin at the edge of the vaginal opening. If you have a look, you will notice that the edge of the vaginal opening appears slightly whitish. This is the hymen.
Does it bleed when you lose your virginity? You may, indeed, bleed when you have intercourse the first time. But it’s not the breaking of the hymen that will cause almost all your bleeding. The hymen, actually, can be broken with hardly any blood appearing. This is the case because the hymen is so small, and the vessels that supply it with blood are so miniscule that actually, if just the hymen is broken, you will need a magnifying glass to see any red spots from bleeding.
Nevertheless, you will likely bleed during your first intercourse. Not from the breakage of your hymen, but from the first penetration.
Bridegrooms typically are not very literate in sexual conduct (except if you marry an older man, which, by the way, is not a bad option). Thus, your new husband is very likely to insert his penis before you are properly aroused. Chances even are that you are too nervous to be aroused at all.
If it is your first intercourse, especially if you are not properly aroused, your skin will likely break at several spots in the vaginal canal. And while the hymen itself is only slightly attached to flesh, the skin in the vaginal canal directly covers underlying flesh. The skin in your vaginal canal is by far not as strong as the skin on the exterior of your body, and if it is not properly lubricated, it breaks very easily.
Now, the bleeding that occurs during your first night is the bleeding from the blood supply of the flesh under the skin coverage of the vaginal canal. It is not from the hymen.
If, by all means, you need to bleed during your first night with your husband, inflict wounds in your vaginal canal when he uses you first. They then will bleed.
The recipe is: take the pain. The likelihood of wounds is all the greater the more painful the first intercourse is with your new husband. If you have access to sirih leaves, you can use them a few hours earlier, as they will cause vaginal dryness. But they are not a necessity. The wounds can usually be caused by just a few abrupt movements. If they are painful, your body will react in reflect, and your new husband will definitely believe that until a moment ago, you were a virgin.
There are, in Third World countries, very few young men who are literate in sexual matters, and their judgment on whether a woman entered marriage as a virgin will depend on whether she show signs of pain, and maybe on whether there is blood.
I understand that in some cultures, it is absolutely necessary that the bed sheet be bloodstained. If initial intercourse with your husband is not painful, you may not have suffered genuine wounds. In that case, just use your fingernail. Just act as if you want to remove his organ from yours, and scratch yourself at the vaginal entrance. You will certainly bleed, and quite possibly even substantial.
Did you have sexual intercourse before your marriage, maybe with a previous boyfriend? Should you tell him that you have been “used” before?
The answer is: NEVER
Why should you? Your husband to be will not know unless you tell him. I have never heard of a bridegroom inspecting his bride’s genitals in order to see whether she still is a virgin. Anyway, to see a difference at all, such an inspection would have to be done during bright daylight, or using a strong lamp, just as gynecologists (doctors for women) use it. The woman would have to sit in an elevated position, with her legs spread wide.
And even then, only a bridegroom who has done such inspections before could make a judgment
So, what if you are brought to a doctor to be examined?
What a doctor can judge is whether you have had regular intercourse or not. The vagina of a woman who has never had intercourse, or who has had intercourse only very occasionally (no difference there), will close tightly, even when she spreads her legs.
But the vagina of a woman who has given birth, or has had intercourse regularly for a period of time, will, when she spreads her legs, indeed appear as a hole.
Even if you have had intercourse occasionally before you are brought to a doctor, insist that you never had. The physician cannot be sure. While some women have a visible hymen, others don’t.
Furthermore, the physician may not be as creepy as the people who insisted that you have the examination. He may have more goodwill towards you. So, insist firmly that no, you have never had sexual intercourse, never in your life. Chances are that he will attest that you are a virgin, even when he suspects you are not.
The examining physician will definitely ask you whether you ever had intercourse. If you answer yes, then this is what he will report, even if he wished that you have said no.
Why? Because during the examination, he will not be alone with you in the room. Either there will be a nurse, or your mother will stand next to you. So, by all means, when you are asked whether you ever had intercourse, just say: NEVER.
Common opinion is that men are genetically predetermined to seek a multitude of sexual partners. That is simple math. Genes in men have a better chance to reproduce themselves many times over if the man sleeps with a lot of women.
Furthermore, as many men are descendants of men who were seeking multiple opportunities and sired children with many woman, they may have inherited the character trait of seeking many women.
Common opinion, on the other hand, is that women do not seek multiple partners as much as men do. Common opinion suggests that for women, it is the most promising procreative strategy to bind a man as protector of children they have together.
If only things were as simple as simple math suggests.
First of all, if promiscuity is a character trait that is genetically spread by promiscuous men, where is the guarantee that it is carried over only to male descendants?
And then, is the reproductive success of women who have sex only with a man who is a long-term protector and provider really greater?
The female reproductive physiology provides a procreative advantage to women who sleep with several or even many men.
The human vagina is designed to store sperm for several days. It can perfectly store the sperm of several men, not just that of a steady partner.
And when the egg descends from the ovary to the uterus, the sperms, whether of one man or several, compete with each other in a swimming race to the egg.
The strongest sperm cell will win, and is likely to result in a healthy child.
What makes a woman agree to a certain man as steady partner, such as power and attractiveness, are no guarantee for healthy sperm. But competition between the semen of several men, or even many men, indeed increases the likelihood of an egg being fertilized by a healthy sperm.
Of course, the behavior of humans, whether male or female, is determined not only by genetic factors. Cultural rules play a major role, for females even more than for males. So, female sexual behavior and female sexual fantasies may be quite divergent.
All the women with whom I had a close intimate relationship for some time revealed a preference for porn videos depicting one woman with several men.
No, they did not actually pursue such adventures. There are substantial personal and cultural barriers. But that the sexuality of women is directed only to a steady partner is probably wishful thinking. Of men.
The benefits of religious men
People in rich North American and European societies often wrongly believe that because Islam is a religion that gives women fewer rights than men, women would be natural associates in anti-Islamic moves.
However, empirical data, both in Christian and in Muslim societies clearly shows that overall, women are more in favor of religion than men, and even women who are not that religious themselves typically don’t mind if their husbands are religious. Likewise, my personal experience is that you can ask a young woman in any Third World country whether she would prefer a husband who is rather religious, or one who is not religious, and you will get answers that are heavily in favor of the first option.
The assumption is that men who are religious will likely be more responsible towards their wives and children, will be less likely to drink or gamble, or to maltreat weaker members of their environment. Most of all, they will more likely be faithful.
Women in many Islamic societies prefer the implementation of religious rules, even though this will curb many of their rights. The point is: the implementations of religious rules will also curb the opportunities of their husbands for extramarital sex, as there won’t be nightclubs, bars, brothels, or mistresses. This is: if the Islamic society is rich enough to police the implementation of Islamic rules. Because Saudi Arabia is richer than Morocco, it is a safe bet to assume that the implementation of Islamic rules is stricter in the first country. Obviously, though, zealotism can replace material resources to some extend (as was the case in the Taliban’s Afghanistan), a general rule of thumb is that upholding law and order costs material resources, so that the poorer a society, the greater the tendency towards entropy.
Offering too much sex
Some girls and women think that giving a boyfriend or husband as much sex as he could possibly want is an important aspect of their strategy to keep a guy forever.
So they let him have sex whenever he wants it. And when having sex, they try to give him so much of it that he impossibly could stomach more. The amateurish logic behind this is the idea that when he gets all the sex he could possibly want from his girlfriend of wife, then he won’t have appetite for others.
Indeed, if men are discovered of being sexually unfaithful, and if their steady partner, in one way or another, keeps them sexually short, or when they have been away from each other for some time, men may indeed cite as excuse the fact that at a time they were in need of sex, their normal partner has not been available.
But this is merely a convenient excuse that allows them to keep face. When men desire sexual contact with girls or women other than their regular partner, it’s almost never because their wife or steady partner would not be available when they have sexual urges. If at all the two are related, then rather in the opposite manner: men seek sex with other girls and women because their wives or steady sexual partner gives them too much sex.
Then think of the following: the key sexual factor that keeps men sexually interested in a girl or woman is that he feels a definite desire for sexual contact with her. But you can only desire what you don’t have, not what you get in abundance.
I do not mean that wives and girlfriends should say no when a husband or boyfriend demands sex. But they should limit their attempts to seduce a husband or boyfriend to those occasions when the wife or girlfriend herself needs sexual satisfaction. They should never try to seduce a husband or boyfriend for purely strategic considerations (so that he won’t have appetite for other girls). This strategy surely would backfire. The only thing it can achieve is that a man will be bored with a woman faster than otherwise would be the case.
Basic rules for females who want to entangle men
We do not mean that women have to possess these characteristics. Nevertheless, they have to project them. If they do not possess them, then at least they have to be skillful liars.
One important characteristic high-quality males will look for in women is sexual freshness.
What often amazes us are young women with no or very limited sexual experience, who project an image as if they were sexually experienced. They may do this through sexy clothing or, even worse, vulgar language.
While they may provoke a sexual male reaction through these attributes, they are counterproductive if a woman follows a strategy for capturing a high-quality male for a long-term relationship.
Obviously, a youthful appearance does send a sexual freshness message. But correct dressing and behavior can easily compensate for being 10 or more years older.
While even stupid women avoid bragging with the number of men they have been to bed with, they nevertheless often do brag with other aspects of being modern.
Just like men who want to impress, they frankly tell to how many places they have been (the more the better), or what achievements in social life they managed (know this place, know that place).
For a strategy of capturing a high-quality man for a long-term relationship (preferably a formal marriage), this is simply unnecessary. The more general experience in the modern world a woman relates, the more sexual experience a man will assume.
Stayed in Paris for two month last year? A man will assume that she had a boyfriend there (negative impact on her ranking).
Knows some famous musicians or artists? Aha, a groupie (negative impact on her ranking).
Because it send signals associated with sexual freshness, a young woman will have better prospects of getting married if she just says: never traveled anywhere, lived with my parents most of the time, concentrated on my studies.
Downplaying her experience may make her appear ordinary. She may seem nothing special. And the social environment may not be aware of the positive signals she is sending to a high-quality male (if one is around). But her chances that a relationship with a high-quality male becomes a long-term one, and leads to a marriage, are much better than the chances of a young woman who signals that she has plentiful sexual experience.
Searching for excitement or protecting a successful marriage
The following is a contribution from a female reader. It dwells on typically female concerns of protecting a marriage, even though it is sexually boring.
I could not help but write to you after spending a few hours on your site. To tell you the truth, I don’t know where I should begin – from praising you to the level of High Heavens or stoning you to death. I will wait with stoning, because I am sure you get quite a lot of that, especially from women. Being one of them, I think it would be interesting for you to know that you deserve some praise from the weaker sex as well.
What I wanted to say is that I agree with your point of view about the engineering of love, sexual relationships, language, orgasms, etc. etc. etc. Name me the subject, and I can find very few points to contradict. It is unfortunate indeed, that sexual satisfaction cannot last with one partner. I am “happily married”, just as you describe – perfect relationship, career, stability, no children (THANK GOD), but it has been 7 years and, well, it is a routine. Sex, the way it is present, is no longer exciting, and no longer enough of it, to be blissfully happy. I can’t help but accept the situation the way it is for fear of screwing it up by having an affair on the side. Your attitude is remarkable, but unless you in fact are planning to commit a suicide, where are you going to be at 65? Alone, with no more young lovers to procure? As a woman and a reasonable one, I can’t quite see myself in the far future at 50 chasing young men. Not an appealing picture. Comfort and security is important, especially in the later days in life, when youthful desires can no longer be fulfilled because of nature’s laws. It is a fact from which I believe you are hiding. Well, all of the above was a very small insight on my personal life, which does not concern you. What I really wanted to say is that what you teach should be published and presented to all men of age 15 and up. Unfortunately, most of them have so little clue about how to get a woman and what to give her, that it is quite a pitiful environment for us – those women who actually want to receive something other than 15 minutes of silent intercourse.
But after thinking for a bit about your personal views, I have to stop myself from being angry. I am in many ways just as you are. You receive sexual excitement not just from the sexual experience, but also from the route that leads to it. From manipulating the person you chose into loving you, wanting you, worshipping you. Well, there is no bigger pleasure than that! I agree. And there are women, who are manipulators like you. All my relationships (I did not have many, but all ended up in a proposal of marriage until I actually married) started from me choosing a person of interest and leading him into “love”. And it is a bliss in fact of getting what you want and seeing step by step the conquering process. Don’t you agree?
I have to say though, that your choice of sexual objects surprises me. Yes, it must be very pleasant to be in bed with a 19 year old girl, but what does she know? What can she bring? How would she surprise you? Even if you are moderately good, you will make her sexual experience bliss. It will be much harder with an older woman. By older, I am not referring to a 40 year old. I say 25 or 30. Old enough to have an identity and preferences and ability to compare. I myself am 29.
My personal experience shows me that the most exciting conquest is of ones who seem absolutely unreachable. I am very attractive and I am confident. I believe that if given a chance and enough time, I can have any man I want. (and I don’t mean for a night). I have proven this to myself even during recent years of my marriage: all I had to do is stop before actual sexual experience. It is not unfaithfulness to make somebody else want you and love you. As hard as it was, I had to check my self-control and protect my successful marriage.
Have you ever thought of meeting a worthy adversary, who would understand your tricks and apply her own? Have you ever taken yourself out of the comfort of sweet, shy teen-agers to try and give bliss to a woman who has experienced it before? Wouldn’t it be a more exciting goal to be the best among many good ones, rather than the best, compared to a few inexperienced youngsters?
As an expert on love, I would think that you would want to grow and set new higher goals each time. Going parallel routes of teen-age girls over and over again is not a hard task, if you already know the way.